Five Ways Not to Buy Wine

Wine is subjective. Every wine is different. It all depends on your taste. Price doesn’t equal quality. It’s all the same anyway. Just drink what you like. Blah. Blah. Blah.

We’ve all heard the nomenclatures. The bullshit lines that every wine geek/snob you’ve ever encountered will feed you about why you should (or shouldn’t) buy certain wines. Some are true, while others just make you want to stab someone with a corkscrew. Because ultimately until you pour yourself a glass, you can’t really know whether or not it’s good, and whether or not you enjoy it. I’m not looking to tell you what wines to buy — in fact, quite the opposite. I don’t reside inside your brain or know what makes your taste buds jump into a conga line. I want to help you ask the right questions, look for the right qualities, and ultimately continually discover new wines you’ll enjoy.

So when you’re at the grocery store, liquor store, wine store, or (God forbid) the corner mini mart, here are some ways not to buy wine, and a few better ways to do so.

1. For the love of Dionysus, do not buy a wine because you like the label.
“Ooooh, that one is so pretty!!”
“This label is dark and expensive looking — it must be good.”
“This one looks cheap. Yuck.”